The Dark Goddess [9]

The newest installment of my novel.

It had been two whole days, one of them spent hanging posters all over town, and not a single soul had showed up to serve on Jo’s ship. She spent most of her time in her quarters, turning the strange words over and over in her mind. Konacan dragocjenost. Fontana od mladost. She couldn’t make sense of them and the failure of William’s scheme, only made her foul mood worse.

Tottering, Jo gulped down another swig of rum, glaring at her Father’s map. She slammed the bottle down on the table. Pegg had gotten a blacksmith to help him melt down the gold bars and mint them into doubloons. Boxes and bags were filled with the money and laid scattered amongst Jo’s cabin. She picked up one of the coins and turned it over in her hand. Three days in Port Royal and she only had twelve men to outfit a ship that required thirty. She grabbed for the bottle of rum, wanting to drown out her problems.

A knock at the door of her cabin startled her, causing her to knock over the bottle. Jo cursed as the alcohol spilled all over her new rug. “Enter, whoever the damned fool is.” She yelled. Pegg hobbled in, William close behind. “What? What is it now?”

“We’ve worn out our welcome, we’ve got to set sail with the crew that we have.” Pegg replied. William stooped down and picked up the empty bottle.

“She’s been drinking again.”

“Aye, I’ve been drinking. I’m a grown woman, after all. I’ve got every right to enjoy a little drink every now and then!”

Pegg waved his hand in front of his nose. “Seems to me, you’ve had more than a little.” He guided Jo over to her Father’s chair and helped her sit down. “There are lots of rumors swirling around.”

Jo grabbed her head. “What kind of rumors?”

“Well, some of the old crew has been talking about stealing the Goddess.” William put in.

“And the governor has been given one of our posters. Seems he’s not too happy about our recruiting methods.” Pegg added.

“We could probably make it to Hispaniola if the weather remains fair.” William suggested.

Jo rose from the chair and began to pace. “Yes, but my Father is a wanted man on Hispaniola. Even though, he is dead.” She struggled with the words and reached for the rum, before she realized she had drank it all. “No, if the Spanish see my Father’s ship, they will send the Navy out to greet us.”

“We could land on the French side.” William suggested.

“We could skip Hispaniola altogether and go to Tortuga.” Pegg countered, glancing out of a port hole.

“Tortuga is an awful long distance with such a small crew. If we meet with bad weather, we’re likely to meet our deaths.” Jo replied, walking to the table where her maps were spread out. She propped her hands against the table, leaning over the maps. “Perhaps we could make it to the Southern most part of Cuba, without incidence.”

“We would have to go in under the cover of night, as that is a Spanish province.” Pegg walked over to the table. William stood across from the two.

“That works fine, we’ll kidnap a few men to enable us to get to Tortuga. And then we can outfit the Goddess more properly.” Jo cringed at the way her stomach folded up like a lady’s fan.

“No more posters.” William supplied, mistaking her distasteful expression.

“No, I think we’ll find Tortuga full of willing men.” Jo cast a look at the empty rum bottle. “Especially if they’re drunk enough.”

Pegg let out a loud laugh. “So we be setting sail?”

“Do we have enough supplies?”

“Yes.” William replied. “Enough to get us to Tortuga.”

“Then notify the men. We set sail for Cuba, immediately.” Jo commanded.

“Yes, Captain.”

Jo followed them out onto the deck. The sunlight made her eyes ache and she held a hand up to shade her eyes. In the distance she heard the distinct whinny of horses and wondered if the governor had sent out troops to arrest them.

“Come on men!” Pegg kicked Freddie with his fake leg. “We be leaving port.”

William stood at the helm as the crew began to prepare the boat. Jo scaled the shrouds to untie the main sail. Joshua reeled in the heavy anchor, shouting at a man on the docks. “Throw the hawser!” The man complied, untying the rope and tossing it into Heng’s outstretched arms. Jo untied the main sail, the canvas unrolling like a gigantic scroll. The wind filled the sail, pushing the boat out of the docks.

Jo secured the rope to the bitts and climbed higher, reaching her fingers out to untie the main topsail. Below her, the men scurried to secure the fore sail to the fore mast. Jo was making her way back down the rope ladder when she saw the red and white uniforms. So, the Governor of Jamaica had decided to have them arrested. But with wind filling the sails, the Dark Goddess was already out of their reach.

Jo jumped from the rope and landed on the deck with a thud. She stood up straight, her hands planted on her hips. She smiled smugly as the soldiers stood on the edge of the dock, unable to capture their intended prisoners. She watched as the island of Jamaica grew smaller, her ship cutting smoothly through the Caribbean waters. Her tri-corn hat was picked up by the wind and Jo tried to grab it. She watched, helpless, as it was blown overboard and settled on top of the turquoise water.

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User avatar
Suzuhara
Review

#4000FF ">Hi Moriah, I'm Suzu. This is my first time reading this, but here are my thouhgts:


1.)

She couldn’t make sense of them and the failure of William’s scheme #4000FF ">[omit comma]only made her foul mood worse.


2.)
“Enter, whoever the damned fool is[comma]” she yelled.

[It's a rule that you place a comma before the end quotes when you have a tag. Ex: "I love you," she said. I advise that you fix the rest of your dialogue below because it repeats the same mistake.]

3.) [I also noticed that your dialogue has colorful tags like "put in" or "suggested." It's better to just use 'said' because the reader should know from your dialogue how the character is speaking. You can use these different types of tags, but don't overuse them because it distracts the reader. I suggest you use them only when you want to emphasize something very important.]
#4000FF ">
[Jo is a fun character to follow because she seems strong yet vulnerable at the same time, which makes for a realistic MC. Plus, I love reading about women in leadership positions. You're writing is clear, but you need to understand the rules of dialogue, so I suggest you check out a handbook on the proper style of writing dialogue. Once you get it down, your writing will look better. Don't be afraid to use more descriptive writing to put readers into Jo's shoes more by making us feel through all the five senses. Aside from that, I'm interested to see where this goes. Keep writing!]



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